It’s crazy how you can have an entire plan for your life and in a snap that plan crumbles. Then you are left picking up the pieces and filling in the gaps. It gets even more difficult to do as we get older. In my twenties, I’d have gone on as normal and figured it out tomorrow. But now, I fear I might never have the things I had once wanted so badly. At the end of the day, while I am independent and strong-willed, I love caring for another person, being a partner, building, planning, and experiencing life with another person. So what happens when someone like me no longer has that?
How to Start Over and Live Life at 30
Read More and Everything
My first recommendation is to read more and expand the types of books you would typically read. For example, I used to be wildly into fantasy fiction. I have since navigated toward true crime, suspense, and a lot of real-life inspirational genres.
I am currently reading Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, a book that determines the science and formula of true happiness and how to take moments through life to ultimately become happier. My goal with this book is to learn how to appreciate the little things in life and be happier within the moments instead of constantly searching for ways to be happy.
In addition, I have been reading Delia Owens’ Where the Crawdads Sing (and rented the movie for as soon as I am finished and it releases on VuDu). I went into this book excited to read about the mystery, but it’s been so much more than that.
Kya and I are so similar. Our family backgrounds are shit and we find happiness in the world around us and friends in the creatures of nature. When Kya discovers her first love, she is amazed and cautious that someone would choose to love her when even her own family did not. And she wonders how long before he chooses to leave her, just like everyone else. So as heart-wrenching as it is, it doesn’t come as too much of a shock when her love leaves one day, promises to come back, and then never does.
A quote from the book that rang so true for me goes, “Listless, she wondered what she had done to send everyone away.” And then she promises herself to never trust, to never truly love anyone again.
When you come from an abusive family and parents who don’t want or love you, it’s nearly impossible to believe anyone else would choose to love you, much less choose to stay.
In all of this, my point is to read to explore more about who you are and what you need or how to grow. In short, I am probably alone. That doesn’t mean I’m lonely. But if I were in dire straights – I am on my own more than most of you could ever understand. But I realize that and know what to do and what I need.
Explore Solo Travel and Stop waiting on others
Lately, I have gotten more into solo travel. At first, I was excited, then nervous, then excited. I used to wait to travel with a partner or to work with my friends’ schedules but I am 30 years old. I want to do stuff. I don’t have kids, the only real responsibility I have is my job and pup. So long as I show up for them, I’m good.
Every weekend I have been traveling a little further out to explore my state.I have even applied for a relocation opportunity for remote workers to move and live for at least a year so that I can experience more of the world. And I have been looking into remote retreats where I can go for a week or months at a time and travel while maintaining my work.
Once things calm down economically, my goal would be to pay cash for land and to build a tiny house. That way, I don’t have a running mortgage or rent here, and then I can come and go as I please.
Socialize when Possible
Everywhere I go I make it a point to talk to people. It doesn’t have to be long conversations, it can be short small talk, jokes, or a quick “hello!” Anything for a bit of communication.
Last weekend I went to Stone Mountain out in Roaring Gap and talked to a handful of folks I came across on the trail. You’d be surprised how nice other people are.
You can also socialize with your bartender, the girl who hands you your coffee at the drive-thru, or just pay someone a compliment at checkout.
Practice Self-Care….A Lot…
Woof- I do this routinely. I set the mood, and I have created a specific area in my bedroom that is a cozy nook to chill out. I will listen to music, sip some wine, put on a face mask, hair mask, the whole getup, and read a book.
Maybe self-care for you looks like cooking yourself a fancy dinner with an expensive bottle of wine.
Whatever it is, do it and do it often.
This is me planning things for myself. Being alone does not have to be lonely. You can fill your life and plan your life in other ways. And if one day, God leads me to my partner I assume they will either fit into this way of life or I will be ready to adjust and make sacrifices, maybe put down some roots. But lately, it’s been me putting down roots solely to be uprooted by everyone else. I’m not doing it anymore. If you want me, I figure you gotta catch me first 🙃
-🤍With love from (currently) North Carolina